are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize