R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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