you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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