I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
