That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
