your room smells of hookers.
And success
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
