what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
