please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
