Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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