That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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