hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
