You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
