Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
