Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
