Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
