maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
