I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize