hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
