Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize