You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
