tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
