My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
