Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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