we're blogging at a bar
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I touched a dick in church today
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
