please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
