hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
