atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
