Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
