They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
