Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
