i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
