I smell stomach acid.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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