he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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