Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
