so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
