Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize