yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
