i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
