my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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