Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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