i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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