You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
