I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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