This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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