Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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