I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
