honey bunches of taint.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
