If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
