If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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