your room smells of hookers.
And success
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
