This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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