he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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