some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
