Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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