Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
