Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
