capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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