Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
