Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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