My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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