I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Nicole vs. Life
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
