so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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