Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
