If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
