There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
