Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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