I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i've created a new STD.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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