Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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