I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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