I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
