Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize