yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
