Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
