Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
