Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
