I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
