A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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