u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How external is "for external use only"?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
