Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
