I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
